“I haven’t found the place to call home yet,” is one statement I always say constantly. Perth, Jakarta, Noumea, back to Jakarta, Surabaya, Buenos Aires, Malang, and now back to Jakarta again have been my nomad pattern for these past years. It may seem a lot -or not, for some- but yes, what I consider normal is never staying more than 5 years in one city before I get to move to another city.

Maybe all this can be the reason why I am easily unattached and have problem with commitments. It’s been easy for me to run away when I’m bored or dissatisfied with something, someone or some city. Not that I’m complaining, I know I get to be who and how I am today because of this nomad life. I am only trying to dissect one negative side effect.

Third culture kids out there reading this will understand what I mean and possibly a wholesome third culture kids (not like me, a partial third culture kid, because I had been exposed to the culture of my native country in my childhood and teenage years) will have this unbelonging feeling more severe. 

Blaming game might be the easier way to figure out “why this feeling exist”. I could blame how my parents got divorced when I was 8 years old, and how from that point on, my world had shattered and the entire world was against me. Yet I found, in junior high school, my situation wasn’t unique, I wasn’t the only kid that has divorcee parents, and if I had to compare with those other kids, I got dealt a pretty good card. I had super nice grandparents who were more than willing to raise me and my mother has a good steady job, so I never had financial problem and had access to good schools. My parents’ divorce did shape me, it affected me, but to blame entirely why I am feeling this unbelonging feeling because I am “kid from broken home family” is lazy.

Now that I am in my late 20s, it’s about time I recognize that past traumatic events can affect us, but it shouldn’t control us in its entirety. I am still not sure if feeling at home is about the place, the person, or something else, but what I do know, wherever I am, I have to keep trying to love the place,city or country, because wherever we are, we’ll leave pieces of us there, then we might as well try to leave the good pieces, right? 🙂